


(don't you dare let) our best memories bring you sorrow

by taeyongslut (jackbumtrash)



Series: boys over flowers (multifandom-ish) [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 2tae - Freeform, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Dojae, Domestic Fluff, Drabble, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, Hanahaki is not explicitly mentioned, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sorta Non-Chronological, yutae, yuwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 15:18:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16813267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackbumtrash/pseuds/taeyongslut
Summary: Taeyong could never get tired of looking at Yuta,  so he decides to do something about it.//title from lost stars by keira knightley~





	(don't you dare let) our best memories bring you sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> juss a soff™, fluffy™ yutae ff i've been wanting to write uwu pls don't hate me xx
> 
> sooooooo it's a bit past 1 am and i have my linguistics final in the morning at like 11 and here i am writing fanfiction instead of revising a whole semester's worth of syllabus fml :'3
> 
> i hope i don't fuck up my exam, and i hope you like this piece of procrastination-induced-caffeine-sappy-love-songs-and-self-pity-fueled-writing-extravaganza~!
> 
> this is unbeta-ed as usual, pls forgive me for any typos, errors, and/or grammatical mistakes you may see uwu

Taeyong could never get tired of looking at Yuta.

Taeyong thinks it started maybe when they first met, when they were both thirteen-year-olds and freshmen in high school. When Yuta was the transfer student from Japan with cheeks full of baby fat and a beautiful smile. When Taeyong was a scrawny little boy with a chestnut mop of hair and glistening eyes.

When Yuta was told by the teacher to sit next to Taeyong in class. When Taeyong had shyly introduced himself, and gotten just as shy an introduction in return.

As they slowly became the best of friends, as they graduated high school together, as they got accepted into the same university. Even as they had different majors and became parts of different circles of friends.

Taeyong could never get tired of looking at Yuta.

~~~

"Yukkuri~! Wake up and take a shower, we have class in an hour!" Taeyong hollers from outside Yuta's door after knocking loudly a couple of times, and then he moves towards the kitchen to work on breakfast.

Twenty minutes later Yuta joins him in the kitchenette of their apartment, fresh out of the shower with his pink-hair damp, and skin glowing. Taeyong sighs internally, he forgets how absolutely radiant and beautiful Yuta is, sometimes.

“Good morning,” Taeyong greets, and gets a blindingly beautiful smile from Yuta in return.

“Good morning Tae-chan!” Yuta smiles, all gorgeous, and Taeyong falls just a little bit harder. “What are we having for breakfast today?”

“French Toast and Mango Juice, hope you like it.” Taeyong answers as he hands Yuta his plate of toast and the glass of juice, and Yuta takes it all with a small thankful smile.

“Thank you so much for the food, Tae-chan.” Yuta grins before digging in, and when he goes to wash the licked-clean plate in the sink, Taeyong feels the tiniest bit happy.

~~~

“Mr. Lee Taeyong?” The nurse calls his name, drawing him out of his thoughts.

“Here!” Taeyong stands up and raises his hand, and the nurse ushers him to follow behind him. Taeyong does as asked.

The not so long walk behind the nurse to the doctor’s cabin feels very climactic, as if it’s the end of something big, _very_ big. (It’s not, _not really_ , Taeyong consoles himself.) And the doctor’s eyes light up just a little bit when she sees Taeyong, she’d been expecting him _(of course she had)._

“Good morning, Taeyong-ssi. I’m glad to see you today, how are you feeling?” The doctor smiles at him, ushering him to take a seat and waves a hand at the nurse in dismissal.

“Good morning, doctor. I’m. . .I can’t properly articulate how I’m feeling, but I’m nervous, I suppose.” Taeyong answers honestly, sighing when he realizes that he honestly can’t get his thoughts and feelings under control.

He doesn’t know how he is feeling anymore.

~~~

Almost the entire university knows of Yuta’s infatuation with the new Chinese exchange student who is way too brilliant for his age (he’s in their year despite being two years younger than both Yuta and Taeyong), an amazing dancer (no wonder he is a dance major), and a Martial Arts Prodigy.

“Winwinnie~!” Winwin, or Sicheng, rolls his eyes when Yuta calls his name from about ten feet away, and then runs and back-hugs the younger. His expression however, morphs into one of fondness for a millisecond before going back to the usual disinterested one that he gives to Yuta. Taeyong supposes Sicheng thinks no one has noticed, but Taeyong has.

“Good morning, hyungs.” Sicheng drawls in accented Korean and Taeyong’s heart almost melts. And truly, Taeyong gets it, it’s hard to not love Sicheng. It’s not just because he’s younger than them or anything, because so is Yoonoh _(or Jaehyun, the name he goes by),_ but there’s just something very, very, _very_ endearing about Sicheng.

Sicheng gently pushes Yuta’s arms away from himself, and dodges Taeil’s attack of affection swiftly, only to come into Taeyong’s arms and mewl softly when Taeyong hugs him tight. Taeyong squeezes Sicheng just a little bit tighter and the younger of them giggles, nuzzling Taeyong’s neck and making him giggle in return.

“You give the best hugs hyung.” The younger whispers to Taeyong, and while it is soft enough to not be heard by anyone else, Yuta hears it and pouts dramatically. Taeyong ruffles Sicheng’s hair and pinches the younger’s cheek softly before Yuta grumbles out a _‘I give good hugs too.’_

“You do,” Taeyong looks at Yuta, “But everyone here knows that I’m Sichengie’s favorite.” He teases Yuta and everyone laughs. Sicheng shrugs in agreement, which makes Yuta pout harder, and in turn makes Sicheng roll his eyes.

“Well, see you guys at lunch.” Doyoung announces as they are about to part, and everyone nods before heading their own separate ways. Taeyong watches as Yuta and Sicheng head off to their first class together, Yuta looking at Sicheng with all the love in his eyes and giving him his signature healing smile, and Taeyong chuckles quietly before following Taeil to class.

Taeyong could never get tired of looking at Yuta.

~~~

“It’s only natural,” The doctor smiles, attempting to be comforting, Taeyong guesses. He tries to smile back, but it doesn’t work out and comes out as a grimace instead. The doctor shakes her head and starts scribbling in her notepad. Taeyong takes a couple of deep breaths to calm himself.

“Taeyong-ssi, I’ll have you fill out some forms now before we go through the procedure. If you will,” she hands him a bunch of papers to be filled out, and Taeyong gives them all a once over before taking a deep breath again.

“Doctor may I—” Taeyong hates the break in his voice, but he rephrases whatever he was about to say and continues, “I’d like to take some time to fill these up.” He gestures towards the forms. He’s tense, more tense than he’d like to admit, and his head is beginning to throb. At the rate he’s going, he might just end up having an aneurysm instead.

“Sure, Mr. Lee. You’re our only patient for today, take all the time you need.” The doctor smiles in understanding and that is all Taeyong sees before he makes his way out of her cabin with the forms clutched to his chest.

~~~

“Yukkuri,” Sixteen-year-old Taeyong is nervous. No, scratch that. He is terrified. Today’s the big day, when he has finally decided to come out to Yuta.

While Taeyong is pretty sure that Yuta won’t even bat an eyelash, and would never judge him, he is still scared out of his wits. And it isn’t because he is scared Yuta might push him away because he is gay, but, because he is scared he might end up confessing his feelings to his best friend.

Because how does one come back from that?

Taeyong almost has a serious mental breakdown just imagining that, but before any damage is done Yuta’s voice snaps him out of that dark lane.

“Yeah, Tae-chan?” Yuta asks, and he’s smiling. Fuck, that smile. That beautiful, healing smile. Does Yuta know how weak Taeyong is for that smile? He probably does, which is why he always unarms Taeyong with it.

“Yukkuri— Yuta, I had something to tell you. . .” Taeyong mumbles, but gets Yuta’s complete and undivided attention anyway. Yuta takes both of Taeyong’s hands in his, gives them a soft squeeze, and looks at Taeyong in that sweet manner that is so like _Yuta_ that Taeyong never even stood a chance.

“Yuta, I’m gay.” Taeyong whispers, for some reason ashamed, and exhales deeply. Yuta is silent for a couple of moments, and Taeyong is almost beginning to think of the worst; and then when Yuta lets go of his hands Taeyong’s heart all but shatters into smithereens.

Tears make their way into Taeyong’s eyes, they’re flowing down leaving hot trails down his cheeks. It’s over. Yuta hates him now; Yuta knows of his feelings. Taeyong knew this was a bad idea, but he didn’t think it’d turn out like this. Taeyong tries his hardest not to burst out crying, but the moment Yuta’s arms wrap around him, engulfing him in a full body hug, a sob rips out of Taeyong’s throat.

“I’m sorry Tae-chan,” Yuta whispers softly, “I’m sorry that I made you feel like you had to come out to me. I’m sorry that I ever made you feel like I wouldn’t be accepting of it if you ever introduced a guy as your love-interest. I’m sorry I made you cry.” Yuta apologizes and cajoles Taeyong into calming down.

“Why are you apologizing, dummy?” Taeyong sniffles through tears and snot, wiping at his face and nose with the end of his sleeve, and Yuta takes out a handkerchief from his bag, handing it to the older of them.

“Just because,” he replies, and helps Taeyong clean himself up. He is still sniffling, and still hiccupping, so it is clear that he may have stopped crying for now but he is still far from calm.

So Yuta, being the best friend that he is, hugs Taeyong again, and starts singing something in Japanese. Taeyong can recognize some words thrown in there, and maybe even the tune, but all he can think about in this moment is Yuta’s arms around him, Yuta’s warmth, Yuta’s voice, Yuta’s steadily moving chest as he breathes, Yuta, Yuta, Yuta.

And he wishes he could stop it, but he falls a bit more for his best friend.

It’s a good while before Yuta pulls back from the hug to hold Taeyong at arm’s length and fondly smile at him (and of course Taeyong is a goner), Taeyong finally manages to smile back, even giggles at his crying just minutes ago and everything is well and good until Yuta says something that makes Taeyong stop breathing momentarily, and when he regains his ability to breathe the only thing he wants to do is die.

“I love you, stupid.” Yuta chuckles, “There is no way you’re getting rid of Nakamoto Yuta so soon. Being best friends with me is like stepping on gum, you take it with you.” He laughs (unaware that Taeyong is dying inside) and Taeyong joins him.

“Did you seriously just quote The Conjuring?” Taeyong asks feigning disbelief. Yuta looks proud as he nods and then promptly bursts into another fit of laughter.

“Seriously, why am I best friends with you?” Taeyong asks into the air.

“Because you love me.” Yuta sing-songs, and Taeyong rolls his eyes in fake annoyance. “I’m sure there’s plenty of other reasons than that.” He grumbles.

 _But that too_ , Taeyong thinks. _That first_.

~~~

Taeyong calls Taeil from the hospital. He doesn’t know who else to call, who would make his anxiety go away. The only person he can completely rely on, without feeling like a burden, is Taeil. The older picks up after a few rings.

“Yeah, Yong-ah?” Taeil’s soft voice echoes because of some trouble in the network (how cliché), but it soothes Taeyong all the same. There’s something in Taeil’s voice that brings him peace. It isn’t much of a wonder that Taeil is the lead singer in the university’s choir, and on top of his music class.

“Just wanted to hear your voice, hyung.” It’s not a lie, but not the complete truth, either.

“Tell me how you’re feeling,” the older says into the line, and Taeyong breathes deeply again. He’s doing a lot of that isn’t he? He guesses he’ll have trouble doing that for at least the next month until the stitches heal, so he might as well breathe all he can now. The logic is a bit stupid, but hey, it makes sense to Taeyong.

“I’m feeling well, I guess, hyung. Just a bit of unnecessary anxiety.” Taeyong again, doesn’t tell him the complete truth.

“Whatever it is that is making you anxious, shall pass, Yong-ah. You’re amazing, very brave, and very strong, and I know for a fact that nothing will ever defeat you. You’re so full of love that it amazes not only me, but all of us around you to see that a person is capable of having that much love in them. So advance bravely into whatever battlefield you’re about to step in, and may you emerge victorious. Know that we love you, we’re here for you, and we’re not going anywhere. Never.” Taeil ends his wise-words with a tone of finality in his voice, and Taeyong is so grateful to have the older in his life.

“Thank you so much, hyung. That means so much more to me than you’ll ever know.” Taeyong whispers into the phone and hears the older let out something between a laugh and a sigh.

“Don’t thank me, just promise me that you’ll be fine.” Taeil asks into the line.

“I promise I’ll be fine.” Taeyong assures.

“I love you.” Taeil says, and he is about to hang up when Taeyong stops him.

_“Hyung, one more thing—”_

~~~

“Tae-chan, do you also think my feelings for Winwinnie are just infatuation?” Yuta asks Taeyong, and he looks so sad Taeyong’s heart hurts.

“No Yukkuri, but who told you that?” Taeyong asks full of concern, who would try to hurt Yuta like that?

“Just. . .I’m not going to mention any names.” Yuta says, but the look on his face makes it clear to Taeyong that it’s Sicheng who has said those words.

“So, Sicheng.” Taeyong starts, and by the surprised look on Yuta’s face Taeyong guessed correct. “Yuta, think about this. Sichengie is two years younger than us, is out of his country and his element studying in a foreign university with people whom he’s met only a year ago, is pretty much very inexperienced in romantic matters; and then there is this amazing, handsome, also _fucking annoying_ but nevertheless drop-dead gorgeous guy that the whole campus wants, pursuing him, wouldn’t you be a little cautious too?” Taeyong asks Yuta, blushing when he realizes what he’s said.

“So you think I’m amazing, handsome, and drop-dead gorgeous, huh?” Yuta smirks at his best friend who is already blushing, and Taeyong feigns exasperation and drawls, “I’m pretty sure I emphasized the annoying. But seriously, that’s all you caught?”

“No, and thank you so much Tae-chan, you’re the best~!” Yuta exclaims before pulling Taeyong into a bone crushing hug.

“Of course I am, which is why you love me~!” Taeyong sing-songs in return, and Yuta nods against his shoulder.

“I’m pretty sure there’s plenty other reasons than that.” Yuta chuckles.

And then when Yuta jumps on Taeyong a week or two later chanting, ‘He said yes! He said yes! Tae-chan he said yes!’ Taeyong doesn’t need an explanation to know what has happened, or who has said yes. He feels something bubbling up his chest, a bit different from a cough, and he has to look away from Yuta’s dazzling radiance to cough softly into his palm and see a petal lying there; and of course he knows what it is.

But he gives his attention back to Yuta who is so happy he looks like he won the world, and honestly he could never get tired of looking at Yuta.

~~~

The fading stitches on his chest remind him of a feeling he barely remembers anymore; loving and being irrevocably in love with Nakamoto Yuta. Looking at the person in question also only gives Taeyong a faint taste of what his love for Yuta must have felt like.

When he sees Yuta with Sicheng all he feels is happiness for his best friend, and another one of his closest friends. He wants happiness and prosperity to come to his friends, and especially to the couples that are Yuta and Sicheng, and Doyoung and Jaehyun. Taeyong is fine with being single for now. There’s no hurry, there’s no rush. After all, he has one promise to make good of.

So when Taeil asks him out some weeks later, Taeyong says yes. When Taeil gives his cheek a soft kiss outside his apartment door, Taeyong pulls him back and gives him a kiss of his own. They kiss properly for the first time as they watch ‘Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind’ on Taeyong’s warm and fluffy bed full of blankets and pillows. And Taeyong says ‘I love you’ for the first time during a late night’s walk back to Taeil’s dorm, months into dating.

Taeil’s so beautiful. Possibly the most beautiful human being that Taeyong has ever seen. And when he laughs, or blushes, or gets flustered after being kissed, or cries at sad movies, or asks for Taeyong’s attention while making grabby hands at the younger, or even as he drools in his sleep; Lee Taeyong thinks Moon Taeil is the most probably the most beautiful, ethereal being on the planet.

And Taeyong could never get tired of looking at Taeil.

It’s a bonus, that Taeil could never get tired of looking at Taeyong, either.

**Author's Note:**

> pls leave a kudos and/or a comment if you liked this uwu i eat 'em all up~!


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